"Terror of War":
-----------------------------------------------------

It was a morning in the beginning of October, and the wall clock stuck five times. Kim was awoken at once. She learned that it was five o’clock. She got out of her bed and went into the wash room. When she came back to her room after some time, she looked refreshed. She poured some water into a coffeepot, which was made up of China clay, and then she plugged it in.

Kim’s hair had been a total mess. She gave her head a sudden turn in order to have her hair hanging down on her back, lifted a comb and sat on a chair to fix it. As she was combing her hair, she noticed a mirror, which was hanging on the wall.

Curly, dark and thick hair, beautiful eyes, snow-white teeth in harmony, cute little nose for her small round face, she looked like a Magami girl from a village. Her high breast, attractive hands and arms added extra touches to her beauty. She looked gorgeous.

For a moment, she stared at herself in the mirror. Then, she noticed the scar on her left arm where her eyes were fixed now, and all of a sudden, she felt very cold inside. In no time, she turned her back and walked towards north where there was a chair just by the window. She sat on the chair. As she went on recalling the devastating sight of seventeen years ago, her heart filled with sorrow.

She pulled the curtains gently across the window in order to interrupt the train of thoughts. She wanted to forget everything. There was a beautiful garden just outside the window flourishing with elegant flower. There were narrow paths going here and there and the green grasses all across the garden. A little farther were the tall trees of palm, coconut, betel nut and areca nut and next to it was the extension of a great sea. Kim was sitting in a room of a medical college somewhere in the northern bank of Havana City, overlooking the sea and she was trying hard to forget the sad memories of the past. She was lonely.

She had been staring at the sea for a long time. She now broadened her sight to cover the horizon. As she went on moving her eyes, she saw that the water on the eastern bank of the ocean was growing and turning into red and the tides were rising high up and getting down. Then she saw the sun sparkling gold across the ripples of the great sea. She was still looking and her eyes were fixed. And this time, she was thinking about her village in Vietnam.

Southern Vietnam, a small village on a sea shores. Several times, there in her village Kim had seen the sun rising from below the surface of the water and getting high up in th sky just like this one. She thought, there must have been a similar sun –rise in her courtyard almost twelve hours earlier, and by now the sun must have been going down near the edge of the South China ?Sea in Vietnam.

She was thinking about her family now. She realized how much she had missed her beloved mother, brother Van and her sister Lee. She tried to change her thoughts to somewhere else but in vain. Moreover, she was also disturbed by what had happened last week. She wanted not to wail for the burdens of the pain and the sorrows, but rather she decided to share everything by filling it on a piece of white paper. So she sat down to write.
Dear Mother,
After waving farewell, I went inside the plane and sat looking through the window into the crowds; I was staring at you guys.
After some time, the door was locked. The engine started to run and I fastened up my seat belt. Soon the plane was moving, then it took off and we left the ground. We were in the sky. While looking down through the windows I could see faint figures of people which eventually disappeared. I was still watching, but we had already been taken away up in the sky by the Aeroflot jet and the entire Saigon City was out of my sight. I pondered hard, but I found nothing as if the villages, the cities and the forests had been vanished in a shot. I saw nothing but water. The jet plane was flying over the ocean. I changed my sight and looked inside, where the passengers were diversely scattered and chatting with each other, they were peaceful and gentle. There I tried to engage myself and I wanted to forget the outer world. After couple of hours, I fell into a deep sleep.
After almost twelve hours since we had left the Saigon city’s international airport, I felt that the plane was going down. I realized that the destination was getting closer and closer. I looked out through the window, and I saw more water. I looked down towards the eastern bank and I saw the sun rays spreading red all over the water just like the one I had seen this morning. When the plane landed on the ground I checked the time. It was six thirty in the morning. After getting out of the plane, all of a sudden, part of the Frankfort City came into my sight.
We spent four hours in the transit of the Frankfurt international airport. And then once again, we were flying over France and the English Channel heading towards the west. Later on, the jet was flying like a huge bird across the great hills of clouds, constantly moving over the expanse of the Atlantic Ocean.
The next morning, at a similar time, the plane slowly lowered downwards and soon it landed on the Havana international airport. I saw the ocean spreading peacefully and the sun was rising up across the ripples of the gentle sea just like today.
There were some new Qubean friends waiting to welcome me at the airport. As soon as I got out of the airplane, I saw that their curious eyes were searching me.
“Yes, I am Phan Thi Kim.” I am from Vietnam, and I have come here to study medical science. “I explained gladly.”
Then I was escorted to the hostel of the college where I am sitting now and thinking about you.
Days were passing smoothly in the beginning. Such a new place, new friends and their company. On the whole the climate of Havana and Vietnam are fairly similar. I was happy somehow.
Last week on Sunday, I went out to see few places in the city as was suggested and offered by the Quean friends. After visiting the botanical gardens, we went to see the National Museum. They have a wonderful collection of arts in the museum, modern and ancient, creative and productive, dreadful and calm and all sorts of them. They have paintings of Vinci and Picasso as well as the famous artists of the present century. I went through all of them once by one. As I came across one in particular, I was stunned and motionless. There, I saw a painting of a young naked girl. She looked very frightened. She was crying and screaming and running on the open street. And on her back was an army in a distance, slowly approaching. I read the title “Terror of War” and on the top of it was written by “Phan Thi Kim”
I felt as if my heartbeat was gong to stop. I was frozen. The memory of that sad day of seventeen years back brought so much pain in my heart.
Mother! Why can’t forget everything. It’s strange. I suppose, you couldn’t forget them either, could you? I guess all the Vietnamese citizens are in the same condition. It was terrible!
In those days, the fighter planes would always be circling over our sky. Nobody knew when or where the bombs would fall and destroy everything around us. We Vietnamese had separated ourselves into different poles – north and south. Father would sleep with his gun and people would walk on the blades of swords. What an awful moment that was!
Seventeen years ago, one early morning in the month of June, father bid a farewell to Uncle Ho and went out to the fields. Van and Lee had not got up yet. And I was busy doing my homework from the previous day. Then you handed me a small lunch box. Just like an obedient student, I got up and headed out towards the farm.
The planes were flying over the sky from early morning. It was not unusual and I wasn’t surprised at all. After walking for a few minutes, a broad road came into my sight and a bit farther was the field. When I passed through the banana trees, I noticed that father had already ploughed a couple of yard.
As soon as I stepped into the main road, I heard a plane flaying closely over my head, making a noise like a thunder. The lunch box, which comprised of bread, vegetable and pickle, was still in my hand. I clasped it tightly and started to run hastily towards where father was working. When I was about hundred meters away from father, I heard the noise of a plane getting closer and closer, and it was rather annoying. I looked up in the sky shivering with fear. Apparently, the plane was circling above our farm. I saw father getting rid of the plough and getting ready with his gun. Then, all at once, I saw some queer thing dropping down. That stuff dropped down on the field just by my father and went off like a thunder. My eyes were blinded. I looked around, trying to find father but he was nowhere to be found. I noticed the fire had scattered in the field. It was blazing and spreading farther away, and smoke was raising high above. Then I found my skirt on fire. My arms, my back on my calves were caught on flame. With a great effort, I managed to get rid of the skirt and I ran away as fast as I could, shouting and screaming.
Wow! What a horrible and devastating view that was! When ever I think about that time I feel ice in my heart.
Mother! It is a letter from a daughter abroad to her beloved mother, but pleases; do share this heart wrenching story to my brothers and sisters. Now I wish, the future generation shall never have to experience the tragedy that we went through.
As soon as I finish studying medicine, I shall be there with you to have your wounds dressed. Good-bye for now!
She stopped suddenly after writing these worlds. Her head was lighter. She looked outside the window; the sea birds were circling over the ocean. Then she took a deep breath of relief.

September,1989 translated by :Binod Shrestha