"Having Said That VI : Between Here and Janti:"

Keshab Shrestha (Name changed for anonymity reason) turned 27 last July. He worked hard to finish his Undergraduate level education from esteemed US University and he further pursued his Master Level Education from equally well know Institute of higher learning. Last year after receiving his degree, it was relatively easy for him to land on well-paid job in a Multinational Company.

Kiran Thapa, again not a real name, had similar story as well. After his education, he is now employed by one of the Fortune 500 Companies.

Although Mr. Shrestha and Mr. Thapa have never seen each other, there are some striking similarities between the lives of these two souls. Their nationality is Nepali, they came to US as Students and after completion of their Education, they dropped their dream of going back to Nepal and lending a helping hand to the development of the country, instead they embraced the US Culture and boundless opportunities that exists here. They have settled, despite the fact that they really do not feel comfortable with the lifestyle here.

These days their biggest worry is about getting married. And they have seen only one avenue to fulfill this dream. They are trying hard to convenience their loved ones in Nepal to help them find loving ones so that they can bring the brides here and settle down. Relatives are contacted; photos are scanned and emailed overnight. Their long distance phone bill is proving the fact that the frequency of their communication with their folks in Nepal is higher these days than anytime before.

Arrange marriage in the Cyberspace era is as complicated as network drive of a computer. Not only the bride has to have the appropriate looks; they also need to have perfect astrological matching and good family background. Since lots of Women in Nepal with ripe age for marriage are well educated these days, another factor also comes into play. Mr. Thapa is worried that if the bride to be is a doctor, it will take lot of effort to get her a job once she lands in the US. So he has been telling his mother to browse girls having Arts or Science degrees than Doctors or Dentists.

It is interesting how a Bachelor Nepali Male tends not to look for a partner from within the US. I have hardly seen Inter-racial marriages between Nepali Males and non- Nepali females. There are some sporadic cases here and there but these kinds of arrangements are rare. The reason, of course, has lot to do with cultural differences, which tend to split further in the long run. It is also interesting to see how a Nepali Male does not give priority, when it comes to marriage, to Nepali Female living in the US. This is also true in reverse situations as well. I think Nepali Women who are in the US already (who came here as a young single person for studies) seem to think more independently and feel more free than Women in Nepal. This kind of freethinking nature is something that a Nepali Man is not very comfortable with.

Living in the US, our bachelors are constantly seeking for environment similar to Nepal, and the big part of mimicking such environment is being with someone who is well versed in Nepali culture and who is good at delivering kind of taste that they long for.

Over the years, arrange marriage has come a long way. But the age Old tradition is so powerful, although it might have gone through some changes here and there, it is still practiced and surprisingly majorities of these marriages have happy endings.

Having said that, I think we have a good system in place. Lot of my single buddies are taking this Overseas arrange marriage option as a safety net. They will first try finding their partners themselves, and if everything fails then call up Mama and Papa and ask them to help find a nice bride. This way they satisfy their parents’ dream and at the same time have a bride well suited to give the best Nepali mimicked lifestyle in the US.
 

Dibesh Karmacharya
New Jersey, USA

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