Personal Dilemma

While I was growing up, I saw my cousin brothers and sisters got arranged marriage. They married to bride/grooms chosen by their parent within our own caste. In my family, it is not acceptable to marry a person from a different caste. One of my cousin sisters eloped with a man of her choice and her parent disowned her because her husband belonged to another caste.

After my high school, I came to US for further education. During my junior college year, my mom brought to my attention that I need to find a man of my life whom they can call son-in-law. I was thrilled that my parent gave me permission to choose my partner rather than having to marry the one whom they chose. However, my parent reminded me that the person of my choice should be within our own caste. I was really disappointed with my parent. I always thought that my parent  are broad-minded than other parent  in our society. During my phone conversion with my mom, I asked her “Why do I have to marry a man from our own caste? Why can’t I marry a person of my choice?” Her answer was everybody she has known, married a person of his or her own caste. It doesn’t look good in our society if you marry a person from a different caste. At that time, I found myself in an ethical dilemma. I realized that my parent and I had conflict in respecting the dignity of others and recognizing individuals. 

I asked myself, "Why do I have to follow the rules from our ancestors? Is it only because everybody else does it ?" My mom also told me that it’s always been like that. So, I have to marry someone because that’s the way it’s always been done. For my parent , that is what they have seen and followed their parents. They wanted me to follow their footsteps. They tried to pass the information on to me like their parent  did to them. On the other hand, I felt like my parent wanted to take an unfair advantage of me. 

I could have followed my parent's path and marry to whoever (groom) they picked for me. But I knew deep down inside me, that to marry someone from our caste is to only keep up with the social standard. Although my cousins have a successful arranged marriage, my moral principles tell me that it's not right to engage in a wedding vow without knowing another person. That is what I have learned as I was getting exposed to American society. In addition to that, there is no law in my country that prohibits marriage from one caste to another. After several attempts, it took more than a year to convince my parent  that no caste is better than another caste. We all are created equal. The caste system doesn’t make a person better or worse. We cannot judge a person because he/she is brought up in a different culture. I was able to educate my parent  that a person with a good moral values and one who makes an ethical decisions are accepted by today’s society not by the caste system. 

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