“Hidden Treasure of My Life”

He was teaching and I was spell bound. I was swallowing each word that is dropping from his lips. Each movement of his hands, each expression of his face and the dance of eyes….I know how his face used to glow when he talks about love and literature.

I love the morning. Each morning I wake up hurriedly in excitement to see him…to meet him and to listen him.

I know, I can let the centuries go by, listening and listening and listening him. There is no boundary of time…for me, the earth itself become motionless then. I love morning, because morning shows my day- my sunshine!

I loved the long-long way from home to college cause that way will end on my destiny, my goal…my shrine…and my temple! No exhaustion on the work...no tiredness on the walk…no suffocation in the pollution…coz’ eagerness to see something and excitement to be somewhere made me different human being. Sometimes I feel myself like Robinson Crusoe who enjoys his own solitude and sometimes I feel myself like sweet ‘Tess’ of Thomas Hardy, who is awaken in the very morning to be in the company of Angel Clare!

I used to forget each of my gloom being in that class. I used to forget whole world being in that class. Each words he has uttered enchanted me like sweet murmur of spring and I used to forget this terrestrial world being in company of Shakespeare, Emily Bronte, Keats and Hardy!

Sometimes first second or sometimes last benches used to occupied by me...from where I could visualize him clearly. Stolen sights are even sweeter. I know sometimes there used to be breaking in the sentences…that touched me and unknowingly I used to lift up my head and caught by his sight too! Ah! At that moment I used to blush red…like a rose…touched by first dew!! He too smiled with a bit blush then. Oh! About smile…there is no words to say…that smile is heartfelt smile …when he smiled, the whole universe itself used to smile. Mostly in class, I can catch just the corner smile with its perfect beauty. Quite rosy lips…white ordered teeth and quite thin line of moustache…Ah! His eyes used to smile before his lips did! But never from that lips any words uttered for me…I’m sure! Nor did I! What’s the use? There was no need of words!! Silence is the strongest words that convey sole feelings. Of course, eye to eye no need of word then. I was satisfied in that silent conversation.

I remember the day- how heartily glowing he seemed when he was teaching “Wuthering Heights”! I’ve seen his eyes becoming moist when he was describing Catherine’s death. His eyes were burning with agony like of Heathcliff then. I didn’t lift up my head to see him again from that very moment that day. I felt, I couldn’t bear his tears perhaps!

Winter Vacation came and I used to spend my leisure in home- hiding my face in books and talking with those characters, who are made lively by him. Sometimes with Emma, sometimes with Maggie and sometimes being Catherine herself.

But one day my silver solitude was broken as the news of my marriage was broken into my house. I couldn’t confront my father…I couldn’t go against him nor I hurt my family saying “No”. Besides…what’s the cause that is standing between my positive attitude towards marriage and parents desire? I actually couldn’t find out! Is there any beloved of mine? I questioned myself…No. My selfness answered. No boy friend, no beloved, no ideal person with whom I’m engaged. No study as my master degree class is going to be over soon…and then?? I was in dilemma. I couldn’t face the mirror to watch myself…coz I afraid if my inner soul speaks the unwanted truth...or what?!


I had no answer. Just I nodded my head positively…my parents were happy. Again my classes started and vacation ended. Same class I entered. Each walls of the classroom hugged me warmly. I felt myself to kiss that dusty blackboard and chalk powder- I put on my forehead. There had been an unknown relation, very dear attachment with all those little things…chalk, blackboard, duster and dust…untidy room and lonely walls of classroom. All were very dear to me. For long-long time I used to meditate in that huge room when it was empty.

Bell rang. Teacher came. There was a lecture on Harold Pinter’s “Home Coming” that day. A door cracked…somebody entered…the door closed and the known dear voice whistled again in the classroom…but I was just staring on my desk and stressing the nib of pen dig deeper on the rough surface of the desk. Teddy, Ruth, Max, Lenny all were present there…so did Nora of Doll’s House. Among the hubbub, there was as lecture going on Marriage- Its no bond between souls. But it’s an institution. It’s a linguistic ritual. One has to obey what his/her heart speaks…and why Nora slammed the door leaving Helmer there and Ruth’s step to leave husband and so on……….

“ Silence is the strongest tool than words…. I remember the moment when this sentence uttered…I lifted head up…I was trapped in his look at the same time. He too was looking me perhaps.

Again I eyed down. My nib was broken. Bell rang and the classroom was again empty.

But my steps were lighter on the way towards home and heart quite content too! For a long time which question, which dilemma was torturing my mind- I got the answer! The sense of that understanding was salvation for me. Being free and light, I agreed my marriage proposal in home. All were very happy.

I no more have to go to college now. I no more have to uplift my head and be blushed. But the thing that had made my soul restless and realizing which, I achieved- Salvation was…I won the nameless relation- which uplift my sole self. “I am” as I am now is all because of that.

Time comes and goes…lectures continue. Generation by generation surpasses that time. I’m engaged and am waiting for my wedding day and perhaps he is giving lectures on Tragedies of Shakespeare even now!!!!!!!!
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Shilu G Neupane
Bellevue, Nebraska

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