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"Sighs and highs when all alone" I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I was in bed, trying my damnedest to fall asleep but all I could think about was you. I can't sleep not knowing if you're ok. It's tearing me up. To top it all off, it just started to rain. I began to cry just thinking about how much you and I talked about being in the rain together, walking, talking, cuddling, and making love and all those dream when I was thinking about you to make me feel no one else than me. Baby, I don't even know if you're still alive. Do you know what that feels like?? NOT KNOWING!!! I mean, I could handle your rejecting me better than thinking that you're hurt or heaven forbid, dead. But I just don't know what to think. From what I know of you, it's just not like you to drop me like this. To not call me, or message me. I'm so messed up these days, you just have no idea. I mean, I'm going on, living my life, but you're always on my mind, no matter what. I am on edge though. My close friends keep asking me what's wrong, but I just say nothing, what else I should tell them. I can't talk about it with them, may be it will be okay for the time being but as the clock ticks the rounding moments once again come to stop at me staring like I have done something great, making me feel that now I am all alone again. They just wouldn't understand the feelings I was starting to have for you, and still have. But it's like they have to be put on hold until I know if they're returned. I don't know if this is a rejection or if something was really unavoidable that you couldn't get in touch with me. I have no clue what makes you so special, not answering me and my calls, its so despair that is killing me as every seconds scolds onto me. But the thing is, I've handled rejection before and I've always seen it coming in the past. But it is not that easy to let it go, anyways I tried my level best to go with out any hurdle. This time, I'm holding on for confirmation. Like something in my heart is telling me to just hang in there, be patient. I'm trying, oh believe me, I am. But DAMN....I miss you sooooooo much. I just don't get it. This is not like me at all. I don't usually hang on like this, I usually move right along. I'm not saying that we're destined to be together, sweetie. I'm just saying, I know that I'll never forgive myself if we don't give this a shot. I can't wait to meet you and at this point, I'm just praying to God that I do get to meet you one day. I've been counting on that weekend sooooo much. But now, until I hear from you, I just don't know what the plans are. I hope that none of this scares you off. That was not my intentions. Really, I don't know what my intentions were. All I know is, I was like floating in bed, trying to sleep, but couldn't with all these thoughts and feelings racing through my head. I just had to get them out. And this is the only way I knew how. Although, I know you will not get this message until you come online again, I just thought I'd give it a shot. It's sort of like wishing on a falling star. You make a wish, but you always wonder, will it ever come true? But all you can do is have hope, hope and nothing but hope. That is what I'm thriving on. That, and also, the good Lord. Believe it or not, I have been praying to him every night to help me get through each day. Because each day is crawling by for me, so slowly just because I can't speak to my baby. Every morning, I wake up, bright and early, run to my computer, just to see if you're on. You're not; I sigh, and then go back to bed until I have to get up for class. But it's not easy to sleep. Every day, I rush home from class, just to see if you may be online, and you're not. When I dont see you like that there is no way I could just let it pass, and I go on being high, so high if I fly I could all see is bunch of clouds, surrounding me that I might die if I fall from it. I've even left little messages on my answering machine, just for you, just in case you call while I'm gone, letting you know where I am and when I'll be back. Maybe this all sounds silly to you, but I don't get like this over just anybody. You mean so much to me already that even if we don't hit it off as a couple, I want you as a part of my life, as a lifelong friend. Granted, I pray we share much more than that together; it's still up in the air right now. There are certain steps that I am well aware of and willing to take. But anyway, I guess I can wrap this up. I think I've gotten out what I really wanted to say. I just pray that you'll get this soon. Because I know if and when you do, you'll be back and you'll be talking to me. But I do have one request, if this whole silent period has been a means of rejection; please don't leave me hanging on like this. I can handle it, no worries. But what I can't handle is being strung along. So please, inform me of what's going on. I just hope to God that you're ok but that you have a real good reason as to why things have been the way they have been. By the way, I'm almost certain that's what it is but no one can be 100% positive without proof. Take care of yourself, baby and please get back to me just as soon as you can. *big hugs and kisses* Love Always, your DUKHI Premi astu Prabin Sharma Bellevue, Nebraska. [Back To Main Page] |
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