Exile, Exile

I am outraged, really outraged with my life. Although things are looking really bright on this side of the ocean, the other side where I come from is going down the drain. Land of Himalayas and land of Buddha has been completely trashed by the people of the land. Many centuries of fabulous history has been messed up by the stupidity and greed of the few that rule the kingdom. I could have cared less, as a matter of fact I could have said “to hell with it”, but unfortunately I can not. It happens to be my motherland and it is where my mother and my whole family still reside. So I am outraged by all the happenings that are currently taking place in my homeland. And I do not know if I will have my mind clear enough to put all my feelings into words together since I can not see or think clearly knowing the problems my friends and family are going through. I do not know who I should blame or who should I knock out in order to get the life in my homeland back to normal. Some say it is the politicians that need to be rooted out, some say it is the whole damn country. For me I do not care, I just want to see drinking water flow daily to my family and clean air that they can breathe and not suffer from pulmonary ailments. Even if they do, have doctors trustworthy enough and hospital good enough to cure them. I just want to see normal functioning country and proud countrymen and women to that matter.

I came here to North America when I was nineteen. Got my education here and worked really hard for it. There were times when I survived on one hotdog per day. I did all kinds of work from dishwashing to waiting tables. Those hardships do not matter anymore. There was a time when I said I am going back to my homeland to serve my people after I get the necessary training and education here. I stand corrected, there were many times when I thought about doing that. And I did return to my homeland with all good intentions and bright ideas (or at least I thought they were bright) only to find out again and again that I am not wanted there. That my education does not mean anything to the people who are running the country. So America had her arms wide open for me. I had more than one job lined up for me here in States. And they were really appealing, so I took them and I have been working here ever since. I agree, I have not contributed a dime for my country. And I am really ashamed of that. But what I can I do? I am very frustrated. I sometimes feel like forcing all the politicians from my homeland in a boat and sending them to a remote island. I think about that plan quite often these days. 

Knowing that it would be extremely unlikely for me go back to my homeland anytime soon and knowing that my family is living a miserable life, I get this mixed feeling of sadness, helplessness and extreme anger towards all the people responsible for all this chaos in our lives. I pray to Lord Phasupatinath and lord Budha at the same time to help us help ourselves get out of all this mess. I would like to see my country independent, structured and free. I would like to see a united countrymen and women working towards goals that will build out country and preserve it for the future generations. I sincerely hope that this article means something for people that care about our homeland. Right now I have been exiled from my own country and I am going insane!

Dibesh Karmacharya
New Jersey, USA