" How do I raise my children?":
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After being between cultures (Asian and American), I am forced to think that which cultural values should I apply to my children. In Asian culture, parents make a decision for their kids and the kids are expected to follow the guidelines without even having to decide whether they like it or not. It is considered a respect toward their parents if kids walk on the line the parents drew for them. Parents always force the kids in a direction where they think they should go, especially pressuring on to make good grades in school. The kids are even excused from household chores to do their homework or to study for the exams. Asian cultures do not discuss the topic on feelings, sex and affection with their kids. They treat these words as if they never exist in the dictionary. There is no concept of children to have right of privacy in the society I grew up. To have privacy for kids is a foreign word. And I can’t blame the parents for that either because they have done the best what they learnt from their parents.

Keeping both cultures in mind, several questions demand answers from me. How do I raise my kids? Which way should I raise my kids, American or Asian way? Since my kids will grow up in America, shouldn’t I be implementing the American way of raising my kids? Should I allow my kids to make choices what they want to be when they grow up instead being a typical Nepali parent and pressure them to become doctor or engineer? Should I encourage them to voice back their opinions and stand on their thoughts and ideas? Should I discuss the issues like affection, sex, teenage pregnancy, drugs, bisexual, guy, lesbians and so forth openly and make them aware of this society. Will I be comfortable with them discussing all these serious topics? One of the questions I asked myself is “How does it make me feel raising a children in Asian and/or American way?” It would make me feel good if my kids are happy with the life they choose for themselves without worrying about what others would say. I have no doubt that I want my kids to be independent. I want to give my kids an opportunity to decide about their own lives and not force them what I want them to be. I want them to become who they want to be.

One of the questions developed by Laura Nash, the ethicist was “How would I view the issue if I stood on the other side of the fence?” As my kids will be growing up in the American society, they would want to make decision for themselves without my approval. After a long day at school, they might want to stay in their room with the closed door demanding for privacy. They will have a boyfriend/girlfriend in the their teen life. They will involve in all sorts of things in their early life, which I have never even thought of. They might want to stay up late partying with different ethnic backgrounds. Will I be able to tolerate all these behaviors? Will I be able to control the activities of my kids? As I was growing up, on several occasions I was given a choice to make major decisions of life during my teen years. It could be that I was very aggressive and stubborn and wanted to do what I want to do. My parents are generous enough to give me blessings for my selection. On the other hand, there are few incidents where I was grounded and my ideas had been tossed away. However, looking back, I had pretty decent relationship with my family. When my kids grow up, are they going to appreciate what I have done to them? All these questions really give me a chill.

The very important question I ask myself was, “Am I be successful in raising my kids in the society that I never been exposed or experienced as I was growing up?” Will I have correct answers for all the questions they have? Since I grew up in an Asian culture, should I be able to raise my kids in American standard without knowing much about it? Whether I like it or not, my kids will end up learning more about American culture than my native culture. They will be absorbed in American society than Nepalese society. No matter how much I try, they will have American accent when they speak my native language. Their favorite food would be burgers, fries and pizza instead of dal (lentil soup) and bhat (rice). There will be certain things I may not be able to change but there will be some things I would want to change. There will be some situations where I might have to force them to do what I think are right from my standpoint. At some times I will suffer and in some time they will. There is a high possibility that I will want them to expose them to my culture and they may not want to be. There will be times when either my children or me will have to sacrifice our own needs and wants.

In conclusion, I have never been a mother and my kids have never been kids before. We will both have to comprise and struggle at the same time to keep us going in this multi-cultural society. They will have to look back and understand where I came from and I have to acknowledge where they are heading. I am concerned that I might be helpless on occasions trying to make sense out of things that I have never experienced. Anyway, I will try to raise my kids in a way I know better in this diverse culture and I hope they will cooperate with me. We will both have to learn and understand each other to survive and be successful in our own lives.